Hillary Dawn - 2. Taking it in

     A single drop of water floated through outer space. My first gift to the infinite universe, a salty droplet from my eye. I always knew being in space was amazing, and I always knew that astronauts said that you could never understand just how beautiful it was until you see it, but I guess it never clicked to me what the universe really is. It really is infinite. You picture space as black with stars and planets, but it’s so much more than that. This black isn't black; It’s space itself. Trillions of light-years, uncountable miles, of nothing. I could see forever itself. Boulders called planets, bigger than you could ever imagine simply floating through midair like bubbles. You could never make it to everywhere on a single planet in a lifetime, and yet, here were tons of them, just floating before my eyes like a dream.
     I stood up from sitting in the doorway of the TARDIS, just to fall back over again, lost in a sea of emotions. My head was spinning in circles. I felt as if my brain was becoming ten times it’s original size, everything becoming so clear that my eyes welled with tears, and I couldn't see anymore. I reached my arm up, and felt the Doctor’s gentle grip pull me to my feet. I collapsed into his chest, still unable to stand. I felt his hand rub my back. I couldn't see his face. I thought he must‘ve been pitying me. This is how he lives every day of his life. I thought I could be a worthy companion and here I was sobbing like a baby at just a glimpse of the Doctor’s backyard.
     “I’m sorry.” I said, trying not to snort as I attempted to compose myself. I pushed myself back onto my own two feet and smiled, tears still streaming down my cheeks. He smiled back at me. I would've expected a smile of pity, a smile to comfort a crying infant, but this smile was different. His smile was of understanding, a smile of warmth, as if I made him feel like he was reliving his life as a child. A smile of envy, like I had something he could never have again.
     “Isn't it brilliant?” He said quietly, after a moment of silence. I nodded, unable to do much else.
     “I don’t regret coming.” I finally cleared up. “It’s just… So amazing, I guess it took me by surprise.”
     “Yeah,” He said, his accent twisting the word into multiple syllables. “I understand.” He twisted a knob on the control panel. “Well then. Looks like your stuck with me, where do you want to go?”
     “Ah- I've thought this one through before. How can you ask earthlings where they want to go when we have no idea what’s even out there?”
     He shrugged. “Just about everything is out there, how am I supposed to give you a list options, hm?”
     “Hm.” I nodded in agreement. After thinking a moment I looked up again. “Well, you of all people should know I’ll be absolutely fascinated wherever you take me.” He nodded, obviously still chilled by my apparent knowledge of the majority of his life.
     “Well then, supposing it existed, if you could go anywhere you could imagine, where would it be?” He leaned forward, seeming to ignore his own questions, hidden behind his pupils.
     I thought about it for a long while. “First, I’d like to at least spend some time on the TARDIS.” I said, gesturing to the ship around us.
     He gave a quick look around the closest thing to home he had had in centuries and shrugged. “Alright then.” He looked to the side and gave a contemplating nod.
     “Is something wrong with that?”
     “No, no, not at all.” He shook his head. “Most people aren't quite so thrilled by the TARDIS, what with the temptation of all of space and time on there hands. Usually it’s just a ‘It’s bigger on the inside’ then off we go.” He said, motioning his hand like an airplane into the distance.
     “It’s smaller on the outside.” I giggled.
     He looked at me. “What?”
     “No, sorry, I stole that one from Clara.” I covered my mouth.
     “Clara?”
     “Nothing. Nothing… Nothing at all.” I said, distracting myself by looking at buttons.
     He walked over to me and put himself in between me and the console. “Who’s Clara?”
     I gave him a look. I’m not sure what it came out as, but I meant it to be a little sassy. His face told me it looked otherwise. “Spoilers. Oh, that one’s River’s. Dangit, Shut up.” I hit my forehead. Realizing how stupid I looked, I replied to his bewildered frown with an innocent smile. “Hello~” I chirped.
     “River.”
     “Oh, yeah, you've met her, haven’t you-” He cut me off by hitting his palm onto the TARDIS control panel.
     “This television show of yours.” He said, taking a step closer to me. “How far, exactly, does it go?”
     I frowned. “I said already. Spoilers.”
     “Tell me.” He said looming over me.
     I backed up to the wall, avoiding eye contact.
     “Hillary…”
     “I-… I…” My shoulders sank. “I know how you die.” At that, he quickly backed away from me, seeming to regret letting his curiosity get the better of him.
     “I see.” He said, walking away. After about five seconds, he spun back around. “But, we don’t know how correct the details of this show are. You only said basic information about me. So then! Let’s get dirty shall we?”
     “Alright then. Where do we wanna start?”
     “You tell me.” He paced in front of me, a finger gently tapping his lips. “Get down to details, tell me something specific that happened in chronological order.”
     I thought about it. “Well, what was the last thing that happened to you? So I don’t spoil things.”
     His face darkened. “You said it already. Me and Rose, we got” He swallowed hard. “separated.” He shook the thought out of his head. “Then I met this girl. Donna, her name was. We had a little bit of an adventure, and well, here I am.”
     “Oh yes! I love Donna!” I hit my head again. “No! Spoilers! Agh! Not that that was a spoiler or anything! It wasn't- I mean, Donna may or may not come back, I mean-” I bit my tongue and held my lips shut as to not make a further mess of myself. Once I had gained control of my words once again, I took in a breath and started again. “Ok. How abooouuut… The episode with the drawings?” I needed to stop referring to his life events like a geek. These weren't episodes anymore. These were the events of a real live person’s past. Events that some of which permanently scarred him.
     “And which one is that?”
     “Oh, um, sorry. This one should be pretty recent for you: You and Rose went to the 2012 Olympics. There was that little baby alien that usually travels in families of billions, and they create little imaginary worlds to play in. But it got separated from the rest, and attracted to heat, crash-landed into the fresh-paved tar…” As my story continued, he seemed more and more disturbed, but also more and more open and willing to discuss what was going on.
     “So what do you make of it, seeing that all the details are right?” I asked, after finishing my recollections.
     “I’m not sure.” He said. “It would be possible that this David Tennant was the other reality version of myself, but there are actors identical in every way to every one of my previous regenerations.”
     “So how’s it possible?”
     “It’s not. Not in this world, anyway.” He mused. “But a different dimension is it’s own reality. I guess that’s just how it is in your reality.”
     I smiled. “Well, I like this one better. Oh, and… How did you even get into my reality in the first place? It seemed to me a lot like the way you had to get out of the dimension that Rose is in the first time you went there. When you left Mickey and stuff. How you had to give the TARDIS piece ten years of your life to recharge it, then only got five minutes of power to get out.”
     “Oddly enough… that is exactly how I got there this time as well.”
     “But I thought that was like a million to one chance that you randomly fell through the walls of reality.”
     “Well, I dunno. It happened again, though. I’m starting to question how legitimate these stats I’m always bringing up are, being that almost every single event of unreal odds has happened to me.”
     “I guess you’re just a one in a million guy.” I elbowed him, wiggling my eyebrows. He ignored me, flipping a switch or two on the control panel again.

     The minutes ticked by, and the Doctor gave me frequent glances as I sat there, unable to fully absorb everything that had happened. The more I accepted it, the harder it was to look at his face, knowing that all the episodes I had watched were his actual life. His pain that enjoyed so much now made me feel sick, because I saw it in his eyes. In this real person’s eyes. The torment he had suffered in the Time war was real. And I had watched his life while eating popcorn, and pausing and playing it like it didn't matter. Without him ever knowing I was watching. Even though the series was acted by David, in a way, he was still the same guy, and somehow, all the events were still correct.
     The Doctor’s foot tapped rapidly, as by now an hour muster passed. I shook my head, snapping myself back into reality; A new reality, but reality nonetheless. “I’m sorry.” I said. That I had seen, none of his other companions had reacted anything like this. I guess I was more of a baby than I thought.
     “It’s a lot to take in, isn't it?” He said.
     “Yeah it is.”
     “I like seeing people like you. You remind me how brilliant the universe is. I’m so used to it, on my own it seems so ordinary. But you, Hillary, you can see the wonder in it all. And that makes me happy.”
     I smiled. “Well, I’m glad my worthlessness can be of assistance. I’ll gape at things as much as you like.”

     I forgot most of what we talked about for the next few hours. Simple things, things that didn't matter.  Things I never imagined I would be saying to the Doctor. Before I knew it, it had gotten quite late. Or was it late where we were? Wherever we were. But my internal clock said it was high time I caught some Zs.
     Before I could say anything, the Doctor quickly bounced up, seeming to notice my sudden drowsiness.
     “What was I saying…?” I moaned, trying to keep the conversation alive. It crossed my mind that I couldn't remember what the conversation was, but why did that matter?
     “Uh-mm” He coughed, “The, uh, bedrooms are down that hall.” He gestured with his thumb. “You probably need some sleep.”
     “What? No… no…” I said in denial, even though I knew full well how right he was.
     He stared at me, unconvinced. “The sheets are fresh. You look awfully tired. You’re starting to-” He quickly jumped towards me and caught me before I toppled onto the ground.
     “No, no. I don’t need to yet, I’m not that tired.” Despite my resistance, I cooperated with his guidance easily, leading my through the halls of the TARDIS to a futuristic white bedroom. It was very clean, but not decorated in the slightest. There was a metal-framed bed, with white sheets and a white pillow. And there was a narrow white door leading into a bathroom, matching the bedroom in an all-pure-white fashion.
     “Goodnight, Hillary.” Said the Doctor as I realized I had planted myself on the bed in a horizontal position.
     “Goodnight, Doctor.”
     “See you in the morning.”
     “Sweet dreams.”
     The lights flicked off.